Tuesday, June 22, 2010

What's better for you?

The difference between what's best for you and what you want are often oceans wide. I'm not talking about that piece of chocolate at 9:30 at night but real true deep life.
My brother's brother in law just passed away after almost a year in a coma after simply falling off his bicycle. He had a condition similar to 'shaken baby' syndrome. So from far away, I can say it is better that he has died and been taken out of his and his family's misery but it's not what anyone wanted.
How do you reconcile the two.
I have had almost 30 years of trying to come to terms with this dicotomy. I have a son who is disabled and I love him as much as any mother loves their child but is he the child I wanted - plain and simply - no. But I love him to the bottom of my heart anyway. And I have come to a kind of terms with it.
We lived together for a long time and had some joys along with the sorrows and hard times. He lives away now which presents a whole new world of hard (to go along with all the rest of the hard). I have to trust other people to look after him in a way I can't any more. That is best for him and me. Is it what I want - no! It is what is best - yes!
So, how do we find a peaceful place between want and reality? How do we all live in a space where we deny ourselves what we want for the greater good? Nobility doesn't feel good despite what the self help books tell you.
My heart goes out to wife and children right now - and I miss my Dad! Hope you are all happily enjoying your best wishes right now. Peace.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

New Camera

Plus I won an ipod nano when I bought the camera!